Thursday, June 25, 2009

STAR TREK 2009 They still have hay in Iowa in the future!!

Do you have any idea how AWESOME this movie is?  I mean, it's been getting good reviews all over the place, but I have yet to read anything from the farm kid point of view.  This movie has just warmed my heart and raised my pulse.  Wanna know why?

Look at this- JJ Abrams has imagined a future earth with hay bales!  And dirt roads!  And old Corvettes!

Thank you Star Trek, I feel now like we are not doomed to a future of perpetual pavement.  I can breathe again.  

We went to see this on opening night.  (Yeah I know, that was over a month ago. I neglect this blog terribly.  Sorry.)  My daughter has developed a bit of a Star Trek fascination.  She's not a rabid Trekkie, but she thinks William Shatner is "the best" and has nicknamed herself Tribble.  

After all the initial drama involving Romulans and explosions and Mrs. Kirk, we headed back to earth, where a young punk Kirk is taking out his step-dad's antique Corvette for a little spin. I think this kid is all of ten years old.  My 12 year old son thought this was perfect.  He's a firm believer that as long as you can reach all the pedals and shift at the same time, you should be allowed to drive.  

Also, in the future, we still listen to the Beastie Boys!  See, don't you feel better about the world now?

But let's not discuss what happens to the Corvette, okay?  Thanks.

Apparently we won't need to wear helmets in the future.  Oh what a relief! Whatever invisible technology gets invented to protect our skulls... can we have that now?  


Here's our first glimpse of the Enterprise.  Magnificent.  Honestly, the visuals in this movie are quite beautiful.
I won't be getting into plot analysis here; other blogs do that better than I care to.  I'm really just all about the experience.  And the scenery.  And the handsome.  

I will make note of the excellent casting.  Each of the actors was believable as their character.  This could have been disastrous, since Star Trek is so familiar.  I'm in a generation that never knew life without Star Trek.  Even my Mennonite Grandpa used to watch it now and then (although he was more into Batman, and Wonder Woman!)

The actors weren't just copying a well known performance though-- they were inventing the person who would become that iconic character.  

Watching this movie with my kids gave me a good opportunity to explain to them what a revolutionary show this had been in the 60s.  The original Enterprise was crewed by a multicultural group of men and women - not just a bunch of white dudes.  There was even -gasp- a Russian on board, at a time when Russia was considered "the enemy."  And then there was Uhuru- a black woman who was beautiful, wore a miniskirt (hey, it was the 60s) but totally held her own on the bridge of the ship.



And then there's this guy...
Tribble fell in love.  So did all her friends.  I didn't know if anybody other than Nimoy could do this role.  Impressive.  By the way, Tribble thinks Nimoy is also "the best."  She's very equal opportunity when it comes to the Spock/Kirk thing.


And this guy! Where'd he come from??  I thought this was an excellent suggestion as to how Captain Kirk started out.  He gets beat up by darn near everybody but he's still cocky and mouthy, and nothing stops him from flirting with the girls!  I mean, you can see it, right?

Tribble's in love with him too, now.  Jethro thought it was hilarious that in every shot of Kirk, he's got a scrape or a bruise or a cut on his face.  Scrapper!

Jethro loved the way the movie lovingly references the original series, but never once lets it get as far as parody.  That must be an incredibly fine line to walk.  Never once did we hear "She's breakin' up captain!" or "Beam me up, Scotty."  Close, but not quite.  If those lines had been there, it would wreck it.  It would have gone too far.  Instead it was handled perfectly.

Of course there's a little time-twisting stuff to keep your brain busy.  It's a prequel, but it also goes way back, to young James Tiberius, and cute little Spock.  Awww!  So cute!


Oh but wait- we also get some future Spock!  I don't remember how they explained this.  I didn't care; it was just cool to see NIMOY!  


See what I mean about the excellent casting?!?



So the Iowa farm boy scuffles and postures his way to the Captain's chair, all cocky smirk and flirtatious bluffing... and bloodied...


And the rest is history... or yet to be imagined... 


Monday, May 04, 2009

X MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE Heck this ain't a movie review. It's just a bunch o' pictures...

I took my 12 year old son to see this movie because he is a budding adrenaline junkie and loves explosions and things blowing up and mushroom clouds and chase scenes and sparks and explosions.  He reeeeally wanted to see this one.


I do not enjoy watching violence. I get a little sick to my stomach from all the bloodless mass killing. Bloody killing is worse.  We have all the pacifistic discussions afterwards, about the consequences of violence and the choices the characters made.  But there's no getting around it: the boy likes action.  
 
Me?  I like handsome men.  



I actually do think it's a pretty good movie; it's great looking, has a plot, and even throws in a few moments of comic relief in there to balance out all that rage! and revenge!  

Oh- and did you know that the Wolverine is Canadian??? That he's from way up north?  And that... he's a LUMBERJACK?!?  What?  Yeah-huh!

No way!  WAY!


This movie contains A WHOLE LOTTA HANDSOME.

Ryan Reynolds! Such a nice Canadian boy.  



Liev Schrieber, all bulked up and eeevil, with catlike agility! 
 

Taylor Kitsch... where've you been all m'life? (Um... in CANADA?)



will.i.am  (yep that's how he spells it) got to wear the BEST crazy cowboy hats and belt buckles, and pulled it off with cool swagger.  Also he has lovely eyes.  



See, I'm equal opportunity with the good-lookin, so I can confess that I was quite taken with Lynn Collins, who melts brains with her blue eyed stare.  (It's not as unpleasant as it sounds.)



Daniel Henney as Agent Zero.  Huh?  Really?  Zero?  Hardly!  





Yep, if you can get past the violence - it is a comic book universe story, after all - there's lots to look at.  I'm just sayin'.







Doesn't he look awesome in that ripped up white Hick Hugger?  


Ah yes, current Sexiest Man Alive (although I still have my preferences on that...) as well as Oscar host, Broadway star, Van Helsing (silly movie but he looked great) and family man.  


Finally, I want you to know that I love EVERYTHING about this.  Love the denim jacket with the fuzzy collar.  Love the belt buckle!  Totally love the beat up El Camino. Love the workboots.  Love the general lumberjack vibe. Even diggin' the feathery 70's Camaro chick hair.  


I just love a nice manly outdoorsy Canadian guy, don't you?

(Yeah I know Jackman's not Canadian, he's Australian; everybody knows that, right?  But this was actually filmed partly in New Zealand.  I think New Zealand is another of my favourite actors.  It's played Japan, Canada, and Middle Earth.  Hugh, you look really good as Wolverine, and New Zealand, you look really good as Canada!)

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

MONSTERS VS ALIENS

It's a real nod to the 50s monster movie flick, but all slicked up and polished for the new century. Have a seat and forget about all the modern threats of disaster.  Monsters!  Aliens!  In the same flick!   

The main reason we went to the theatre to see this movie is THE CAST.  Some of our favourites provide voices, and I'm sure, mannerisms to these characters.  Plus it's something we can all enjoy; with our kids outgrowing most of the G rated flicks, but me being quite squeamish about scary/ violent/ way too grownup movies, we're all happy with the PG rated comedies.  

This sucker is pretty darn funny.

It has the required action-chase stuff that kind of zones me out every time.  I tire easily of seeing buildings get destroyed and shoot-outs and crap.  However, there are some laugh out loud moments here to make it all worth it.

You don't need to know much going in.  The basic plot starter is a young woman's journey from agreeable bride to empowered woman.  Yup, that's what it is.  Kid you not.  Call it what you want, that's the core of it.  Mind you, being a woman of rather small stature, I couldn't help but chafe that in order to gain her power she's gotta be like, 40 feet tall and super strong.  Yeah yeah, symbolism, whatevs.  Seriously.  It's still all about physical strength.  Blah.

Also, why in 2009 do we still have to be going on about how a girl doesn't have to marry a doofus and do whatever he wants to do?  Duh.  Okay I'm over it now.  

On with the FUNNY!

It's no secret that I adore Rainn Wilson.  We all do.  He's SO good in this character that I forgot it was him.  As the evil alien overlord GALLAXHAR, there is no trace of his dorky Dwight Schrute.  Just pure self centred, power hungry would-be dictator of the universe!


This guy has one of the best voices in the biz these days.  Love his voice.  Watch for the part where GALLAXHAR tells his life story while taking a turn in the cloning machine.  That was awesome, I mean it, I'd watch that ten times in a row if I could.

Ask anybody who sees it who their favourite character is and I bet they'd say B.O.B.

Seth Rogen amps up the adorable for this one.  And, his timing is perfect.  



Reese Witherspoon is tiny and blonde.  Ginormica is giant and shaped like a Barbie doll.  Oddly enough it works. 


Hugh Laurie as Dr Cockroach, PhD.   I really am not familiar with this guy because I've never watched his big TV show, but you know what?
This is the first Cockroach, EVER, who has not sent me into fits of shivering disgust.  I actually quite liked him!

Ah... Will Arnett.  I love that guy.  Who better than to play the Missing Link, that slimy arrogant creature?  
On top of that, Stephen Colbert as the clueless, Reagan-haired, finger-cannon-throwing President, and Kiefer Sutherland as General W.R. Monger (geddit???).  Watch the credits at the end, because there are more.  Hint: keep your eye on "Katie and Cuthbert" on their date.  

One of the big deals about this movie is that supposedly you can see it in 3-D.  I can't figure out why you'd bother.  We saw it without the hassle of the funny glasses, and I thought it was 3-D enough.  Maybe I'm wrong and the technology has improved even in the last couple of years, but in general I find that it makes my eyes go squirrelly and I can't keep watching.  As it is, the movie looks very layered.  In fact, for the first five minutes I kept thinking, "Oh, where the guy points at something... that'd be where it jumps out at us.  Got it.  Next."  

Often I was amazed at the visuals.  The detail is incredible.   I mean, LOOK at this.  

Every cloud, every leaf, every blade of grass.  It's hyper-real.  Except for Ginormica's waist... I think they could have made that a little more real.  Just sayin.  



Monday, February 23, 2009

2009 Academy Awards!

Alright kids, I've got 2 hours and 55 minutes worth of lean mean Oscar machine to cover here, so hang on tight and let's go!!

The first person I saw when I turned on my TV was Kate Winslet.  And the first thing I said was, "Oh, I don't like her hair like that."  I do like her dress.  It's interesting and shiny, BUT may I remind us all that this is KATE WINSLET who has a stunning figure, and this dress does not do her justice!  She just looks kind of severe, and I don't think of her that way.  

Well anyways, she's lovely and **SPOILER ALERT** hahaha, I'm going to tell you how the show ended!  She's your Best Actress.  Have you seen The Reader?  Neither have I.  Neither has Hugh Jackman.  

Josh Brolin, Supporting Actor nominee, looked just right, in my opinion.  Maybe it's my belief that a guy in a beard is trustworthy.  Maybe it's because he's just a naturally handsome fella. Maybe it's because Diane Lane is a class act and they look so happy together.  



Then I got an eyeful of The Cyrus Kid in her horrid, ugly, crusty dress.  Look, I may think she has the voice of a 40 year old rock radio DJ with a 30 year pack a day habit, but The Cyrus Kid is cute, and why, WHY would anybody wrap up 16 years worth of cute in 70 lbs of UGLY?  

I got a good laugh out of her though.  She said, in her charming accent, "Ayngelina is, lahk, mah favret person of ahl tahm" which made me think she hasn't done enough reading yet in her life. Nothing against Angelina.  I like her too.  But of all time, Miley.  Of all time.  That's like, a long time ago and stuff.  I wondered aloud why the heck The Cyrus Kid was even there.  My Hick Kid reminded me that she provided the voice for an animated movie that I disregarded cuz I thought it looked kinda lame.  Later I read that Miley wishes Angelina would adopt her.  Careful what you wish for: there are a lot of diapers and baby puke in Angelina's house!

Speaking of Angelina...

She looks like she might have gained 2 lbs, so that's good.  It means Brad is feeding her well. Good for you, Brad.  You better be letting her take naps too.  

I'm going to say it: she is stunning.  I was kinda disappointed that she wore a severe black dress (even though she's awesome in black... it's been nice to see her in colours lately!) but I really like the unexpected emerald earrings and ring.  She was the flash of bright green among all the diamonds; she is different, which is why I like her.  

And Brad.  Darnit Bad Brad, you make it very hard for me to stay mad at you.  

I know he's been cultivating that very strange eyebrows-up-skeevy-character-with-a-mustache look, but... come on.  He has that lovely little goatee with a bit of silver in it.  And those dimples. Sigh.

I swooned audibly when Robert Downey Jr showed up. RDJ!  He looks like a million bucks!

He referred to his wife, producer Susan Levin, as "my date for the rest of this incarnation."  Only he said it in his usual halting, slightly distracted yet deeply intense kind of way.



Mickey Rourke showed up lookin' all Mickey Rourke about things.  I'm really getting an affection for this guy.  He's got that Johnny Depp-like way of dressing how he likes and not caring how everybody else looks.  



His ancient little dog died six days ago.  Oh, Loki.  He'd been carrying her around everywhere he went for the last couple of months.  He wore her picture around his neck. If you don't love him for that, you have no heart.

But then.  Zac Efron actually had me in fits of anger.  Yes, anger.  That, on his head, is a GREASY COMB-OVER!!  

Kid, don't you know that NOBODY can get away with this?  I just - I mean, you can't -- like this is just- aaarrggghhhh.  These frickin kids today!  Grr. 

Here, have some brain bleach.  Replace that awful image with this:

These two gorgeous ladies are Viola Davis and Taraji P Henson. 

They were in the Best Supporting category together.  Don't they look beautiful?  (Although I suspect that Viola's gold dress, which is super flattering on her, might be made of some disgusting plasticky fabric.)  This is such a great picture; one of the images I want to remember when I think of the 2009 Oscars.

Marisa Tomei's dress was an amazing piece of sculpture.   And, it fit!

I'm not usually a fan of muted neutrals but I thought she looked very elegant.

Before the actual show got started, we heard the production designers discuss what they were going for.  I believe the phrase "Magical Sense of Occasion"  got thrown out there.  Well.  As it turns out, we couldn't get the sound to go through all these speakers that Jethro wired up... something about HD broadcast and needing to have a working tuner in the stereo VCR-TV-DVD-XYJK mess, while all I know is that if you turn the bug antennas the right way the screen is clear.  This is the price I pay for being cheap.  What?  Cable is a waste of money... I only watch one channel at a time.  Geez.

Finally the crystal curtains parted- yes, curtains made of Swarovski crystals, imported from Swarovskovia, haha- and there he was- HUGH JACKMAN!

The Wolverine!  The Sexiest Man Alive!  He acts!  He sings!  He dances! He hosts!  

I thought his opening act was genius.  His whole thing was about the old economic downturn, the recession, the hitting of the skids.  He claimed that the budget really got cut, so he spent the weekend in his garage making props for his song and dance.  He acted out all the best Picture nominees.  My favourite was his impression of the Reader.  It was a confusing interpretive dance explaining that he...

 didn't see The Reader, 
he went to the theatre, 
but it was a very long line, 
people seeing Iron Man a second time...



You could tell he actually SANG because he was a little breathy. Yay! Let's hear if for imperfection!  Let's hear it for real life performances!

I can't remember why, now, but Anne Hathaway was up on stage with him as part of the number. I just remember thinking, "she's a good sport."


I thought she looked great. She has finally grown into her big eyes. Lovely.

This year, for the Actor presentations, five former winners came out and spoke briefly about each nominee. It was cool. And probably really embarrassing for the nominees!

Penelope Cruz held her little gold man and said something I scribbled on paper, as best as I could remember it:

Art in all its forms is our universal language, and must be protected.


That is so perfect.  Please remember that.  Thank you, Penelope.  (I read somewhere that she's wearing a 60 year old dress.  I think that is so cool!)

Tina Fey and Steve Martin presented the Screenplay Oscars. They are funny on their own, but together they're killer.  They went on a one-upping contest that ended with:

"Don't... fall in love with me!" 

Ha! Too late!

Suddenly I want to write a movie.  Winner Dustin Lance Black, for the Original Screenplay "Milk" gave a very moving and personal acceptance speech.  I cheered.

Simon Beaufoy, winner of Adapted Screenplay for "Slumdog Millionaire" thanked the author of the novel "Q&A" which the movie was based on.  I cheered again.

Jennifer Aniston and Jack Black presented the Animation Awards.  I didn't get that pair-up.  And you know I love Jack Black.  He ROCKS.  AWKWARDLY.  

Now here's the thing.  I didn't like Jennifer's dress.  There's nothing awfully offensive about it, but it makes her look sort of... average.  That's just wrong.  She has one of the best bodies in this business.  She is physically perfect.  This boring dress does not do her justice at all.

But her boyfriend is cute.  Does anybody else thinks it's stupidly hot that he's almost a decade younger that she is?  And he looks so grown up even.  

This picture on the right is now officially my favourite Jennifer Aniston picture.  THAT is cute!

I can't get over how... lucid John Mayer looks! He doesn't look stoned at all!

Speaking of which...My daughter had a little giggly moment when Robert Pattinson showed up to introduce a little Romance 2008 montage - gotta have a montage - which featured lots of good looking people, some man-kiss, and finally two adorable robots that made us all go, awwww!

Pattinson made me giggle too!  Not just because he's a handsome little devil with those cat eyes of his... but because he always looks at least halfway hammered!  I don't know what it is about him and cameras, but his eyes look slightly crossed and somehow he's always got his mouth going sideways.  I have the same problem.  

The next moment of awesome-funny came from Ben Stiller playing Joachin Phoenix, with Natalie Portman in the role of Straight-man.  

It was... perfect.  And that pink dress is lovely.  Too bad you can't see the wad of rejected chewing gum on the podium.  

As if that wasn't enough, we got treated to a "Pineapple Express" thing that had us all laughing -yes, laughing at the Oscars!  

Seth Rogen and James Franco filmed a sketch where they flop out on the couch to watch some movies.  They think "The Love Guru" is "Slumdog Millionaire."  They want to turn an Oscar into a bong.  They laugh at all the serious Academy favourites.  Best?  James Franco plays a stoner watching James Franco play a gay guy kissing another guy.  Did your head just explode?  

Sadly, things took a downturn with the big song and dance number, featuring broadway darling/ Oscar host Jackman, and Beyonce, who must be on some kind of contract to show up at every awards show, ever.  Don't get me wrong, she's amazing, but I burned out here.  The musical is back, apparently, but I didn't know it ever went away.  Maybe I just watch too many awards shows.  

The Best Supporting Actor award was presented by five previous winners again.  Nominee Philip Seymour Hoffman sat there in the audience wearing a toque.

Ya hoser!  Yer wearin a toque with yer tux, eh?  Take off!  Wait, he's not Canadian, is he?  Oh, is he a skateboard kid?  No?  Member of a NuMetal band? No?  Geez man, a toque?  For real?  

You know who was in this category.  Heath Ledger won for his Joker.  I felt it was well deserved, and I also need to say that his father, mother and sister are a classy bunch of people.  Their acceptance speech was honest and appreciative.  I can't imagine how painful it had to be for them to accept that award for him.  

I actually shed a medicated tear. I was amazed when I realized that my eyes were wet.  The camera showing all those actors sitting in the audience choking down their own tears was enough to trigger it. That's an intensely emotional moment.  Anybody who got through that without tears was either asleep or stone hearted.  

The documentary category was interesting.  The winner for Short Documentary, Megan Mylan, announced that she feels lucky to be able to tell these stories.  Wonderful.  The feature Doc award went to "Man On Wire".  The tightrope man himself, Phillippe Petit, did a few little magic tricks to liven things up.  Yeah, sometimes you need a little crazy Frenshman.


Before the Sounding Editing and Mixing awards, we were treated to a rockin' action movie montage.  You know, to keep the young folks interested and all.  I am so pleased that the editors and mixers and cinematographers get televised awards.  Jethro, a guy who will likely never be handed an award on TV, disagreed.  He says the show's too long.  Man, I would have been in ecstatic hysterics if he'd gotten his Juno on TV.  He of course would have been paralyzed by embarrassment.  Oh well.

I didn't like the Memorial part this year.  They had Queen Latifah singing on the stage while the pictures and dates flashed on the screen.  It was distracting, hard to see, and unfair to her and the dearly departed.  I dont' think the audience should be allowed to clap either.  It should be respectful.  

So Jerry Lewis was given a Humanitarian Award, and bless him, he came out, did a short and sweet speech, and was a perfect gentleman.  Good to see him!

By this time, it was clear that "Slumdog Millionaire" is the little movie that rocks the world.  I haven't seen it but have heard that it's an excellent movie, gritty but ultimately hopeful - my favourite combination! - and ends with a big splashy Bollywood dance number.  Director Danny Boyle's grin got bigger and bigger as the evening went on.  When he got his Best Director Oscar I thought he was gonna explode.  He just jumped up and down and talked to his kids.  It was awesome.

 

To top it off, euphoric Kate Winslet, Oscar in hand, thanked her parents who were somewhere in the audience.  "Dad, whistle or something so I know where you are!"

And he did, sharply!

Sean Penn is your Best Actor.  You know, I think he's mellowed.

He's gonna be quoted for a long time, affectionately calling the Academy "commie homo-lovin sons o' guns."  Then to top it off admitted, "I do know how hard I make it to appreciate me, often."

He also talked about human rights for everybody.  I gotta agree with that.  

So people, have you seen "Slumdog Millionaire" yet?  I think we better.  

When this movie got Best Picture, the stage was full, and it was full of smiles.  

Look at these kids!  Aren't they gorgeous and wonderful?  This is something they'll remember for a long time. 

Dev Patel and Frieda Pinto were glowing and seemed so pleased to be there.  

This is one of my favourite dresses of the whole show.


In contrast, I did feel let down by some of the other actresses.  I hopd Meryl Streep would show up in something frothy accessorized with giant necklaces, just because she's Meryl Streep and can do pretty much anything she wants. 

She looked beautiful, so my disappointment had to settle down.

On the other hand, Tilda Swinton was just such a let down.  She was... beige.  It's just wrong.  She should never be bland!  She looks like a freaky androgynous extra terrestrial David Bowie obsessed zen master.  I want the orange hair and sparkly rubber!  And is that... lipstick?  Oh no, it's just not right.

I hope she gets nominated next year so we get another chance at some Tilda Swinton wackiness.  I mean, we can never hope for genius like The Bjork Swan Dress ever again, but we just have to have that glimmer of hope.  

That's where I'd like to leave you, because HOPE  felt like a big message at this year's Oscar.  

What do we need to tell stories to masses of people?  A script, a story, hard work and talent; according to "Slumdog" producer Christian Colson, passion and belief.  


Say it, Hugh:


"Keep on making movies, and keep on watching them!"

Monday, February 09, 2009

2009 Grammy report, brought to you by Hick Chic

For us, a music biz family, the Grammy awards are AN EVENT.  We all hunker down to watch, including the dog and the cat, although I suspect they're just in it for the stray popcorn.  

Short summary: With Robert Plant and Alison Krauss sweeping up the place, I feel good about music again!  On the other hand, the sound on this show was inexcusably BAD.  If I can tell how bad it was on my non-HD Sony 20 inch TV, without the audio run through the room speakers, then it had to be bad.  

Anyways.  You're here for the highlights and colour commentary.  Let's go!

The show opened with U2.  And they were U2!  Wheee!  The big screens helpfully flashed all the lyrics.  Thanks.  They played their new single, "Get On Your Boots" which I'm thinking of adding to my Theme Song List.


Then Whitney Houston showed up. I have no picture, but I will say that I was relieved.  She looks like WHITNEY HOUSTON rather than like a washed up, beat up, cracked up mess.  Were we all worried?  She's looking good.  Apparently the gossip is that she was acting kinda crazy, to which I say... So?  This is the music biz.  What is your standard of crazy?



Jennifer Hudson won a Grammy, looked gorgeous, thanked her family in heaven and here, and was pure class.  It was a bittersweet moment, and she handled it with such beautiful dignity.

She is amazing.  I might be developing a little bit of a girlcrush.

Soon after that, Justin Timberlake brought out Reverend Al Green, who then proceeded to make Justin Timberlake sound like a little white boy.  Yeah, I know.  He is.  He's super talented, but... Al Green.  Yeah.

Coldplay did a performance and I suddenly found myself wondering why I sort of don't get it. Doesn't everybody love Coldplay?  I mean, they're really good right?  Well their outfits were neato and the drummer appeared to be having a hell of a good time with his giant bell and tympani set-up.  I think it was a tympani.  Really, the bell was very cool.  (We should get one.)

When they won for Song of the Year, an award given to the songwriters, I was tingling with anticipation... I was waiting for guitarist Joe Satriani to leap up on stage and announce that they ganked the melody from one of his songs, or bring his lawyer or something.  But no!  Not to be.  Maybe I made up that whole melody-stealing thing, or I was half asleep and only dreamed that I heard about it on the radio.  No Soy Bomb for you.

Carrie Underwood hit the stage in what is becoming all too common for her: a weird outfit with wings.  The fact that I like weird, and wings, but did not like this outfit, speaks to how bad it was.  
 Left: acceptable but suspiciously synthetic looking red carpet dress.  
On the right, I just don't know.
However, Carrie's lovely, has great legs, plus those shoes are killer, and she can sing the hell out of anything, so she's excused.



Kid Rock did a thing, and I went back to liking him, the scuzzy character that he is.  This is likely to change without notice.  I'm like that with him.  Later, the camera cut to him as his name was called for a nomination.   He had a drink in his hand.  Oh man.  Stay classy, and I mean that in the most sarcastic way!

Continuing my confusion, I had to watch a little Miley Cyrus/ Taylor Swift duet.  There was a whole lot of CUTE on that stage.

I'll give you this: they appeared to sing live, for real.  The Cyrus kid's got pipes and the Swift kid can play guitar and sing at the same time.  

But I don't get it.  Maybe it's because I'm old, maybe it's because my kids have never been into the Disney-showbiz-kid thing, and they'd rather listen to Apocalyptica and Sepultura.  Yeah, it could be that.  In any case... I don't get it.  Maybe it's not them, it's me.

When Alison Krauss and Robert Plant got their first Grammy of the televised awards, there was a collective yip of happiness in our family room, followed by Jethro and me flinging our hands up in the air and sighing in thankful relief.  MUSIC, people.  This is still about MUSIC!

Robert Plant said that in the old days, this would have been called "selling out" but if was really a nice way to spend a Sunday afternoon.  Snort, hee hee.

I couldn't help but wonder, though, if these two youngsters know who they just handed a little golden gramophone to.  I mean, they've got to know, right?  My kids are younger and believe me, they know who Robert Plant and Alison Krauss are.

But I have this vision of the girls linking arms, heading back stage, and giggling about the wacky British dude.  I wonder.  These kids are supposed to be music artists; they'd have to know that the man is ROBERT PLANT I mean, Robert freakin Plant, and that the pretty woman is ALISON KRAUSS and that she is collecting up her 22nd Grammy, and that she has more of them than any other woman on the planet.  The girls would have to know that they were on the same stage as Greatness, wouldn't they?

(Honestly the sound was terrible.  Right about here I turned to Jethro and asked if the sound guy on this gig should get fired.  I cannot print his reply.)

Now if I didn't get the Cyrus/Swift thing, I really seriously did not get the Jonas thing.  I might never get it.  I'm still trying to figure out, the next day, what in the heck they were doing up there with Stevie Wonder.  Hello?!  Who's idea was this?  I'm pretty sure Stevie will get up there on the Grammy stage anytime, since he owns it and all.  

But I just did not, did not, did not understand this.  If anybody can explain it, please do.  

When Coldplay won an award for Rock album, I giggled.  I scoffed and I snickered. 

Then Chris Martin won my heart and said that they're not so much rock as, say, limestone, which cracked me up.  We have a big thing in our family for the oxymoron known as "soft rock" and feel that it generally should not exist, but I'll let Coldplay go because... they are good, aren't they?  Right?  They made a little joke at their own expense, which is always refreshing.  Plus I like their Sgt. Pepper-esque suits.  

And still, no Satriani.  I must have dreamed that.  Never mind. 

You know, they were in the Rock category with Metallica.  Let's see, when you think ROCK and are given the choice between the two...

It's okay. Apparently Metallica got the Metal award.  That should be obvious!  Here is Robert Trujillo, bassist, loving up his little trophy.  


He does not look heartbroken about losing the Rock award to Coldplay.  

Kings of Leon were also in that category.  

I'm including their picture because it's my blog and I think they're cute. Apparently they won an award off-screen for their song "Sex On Fire" which previously won an award from me: the NOT AS MUCH FUN AS IT SOUNDS AWARD.


Okay, my British friends: Who is this adorable Adele person?  She is so appealing!  And man, she can SING!  
How did she sneak under my radar?  In her speech she declared that she loves Duffy.  To which I say, who doesn't!



I would like to report now that A) Katy Perry is wack B) I think I like her but I didn't get the stage set, because I wasn't sure if the giant fruit was supposed to be sexy, C) I also didn't like her dress because it appeared to have plastic fruit hot glued to it, D) I'll give her huge credit for singing it live, and you could tell because you could hear her breath from all the jumping around, E) singing the chorus along with the track.  Yes, it was track.  Duh, there was no room for actual musicians on the stage, what with all the stripping dancers.  

Sorry, no photo.  NEXT!

Further adding to the list of Things I Don't Get:  Where does Kanye buy those awful clothes, and why must he drag Estelle there?  

See him behind her?  You can't really see it but... I think he's wearing his hair in... a mullet!  A fro mullet!  A FRULLET!  I am officially confused at this point.  Also it took seven people to write that song.  Just felt like pointing that out.  

My confusion increased when Morgan Freeman aka GOD introduced Kenny Chesney as a good friend.  I couldn't get past the annoying ground hum in the audio- like, what is this, a basement full of teenage cover bands? - and I had to go to the bathroom.  

Plant and Kraus scooped up anothe award YAAAAAYYYYYYYY  for Record of the Year, which is for the artist. The song on the nomination was "Please Read The Letter."  Natalie Cole did not read the letter, because she got the title of the song wrong. Twice. Forehead smack.

But I see things like this...


... and hear Robert Plant thanking Alison, and the producer, T Bone Burnett (that's him with them) and the engineer, and how he and Jimmy Page wrote this song years ago, and all is right in the world.

Have I ever mentioned that I love Robert Plant?

Have I mentioned that the sound was terrible on this show? Man, it's a MUSIC AWARDS SHOW and we couldn't hear any music as the artists walked up to the stage to get their goodies. Gah. Frustrating! Who's running this show? Did the guy who sets the brick on the button go out for a beer or what?

M. I. A. totally cracked me up. She's about 11 months pregnant. Ha ha. She performed live on her due date. Gutsy chick! I'm slightly jealous because I never made it 9 months. And I kind of wanted to, except for the fact that I literally could not walk.

I can't say that I understood the performance... in fact, I thought there was something going wrong at first.  It sounded like the four rappin dudes came out and cut her off.  I suspect all of it was synced to track. I really don't care; I admire women who are on their feet while pregnant, whether it's running a cash register, running a farm, running after a toddler, or running around on a stage wearing a bizarre half-see-through polka dot thing!
The blue tent is fun, but the black outfit is hilarious. The baby belly is awesome!

One of the most hyped performances of the night had to be that of Sir Paul McCartney and Dave Grohl.  Both of these guys are singer/songwriter/ instrumentalists.  Both were a part of bands that have been influential to the point of being legendary.  Both went on to new and successful projects.  

But what really matters is that they played "I Saw Her Standing There" while Sir Paul looked the healthiest and happiest he's been in years, and Daaaaaave Grooooohhhhhhhl....

...appeared to be The Happiest Drummer In The World.  He kicked the hell outta that song!  I love it that Grohl so clearly and obviously loves music.  He grinned all the way through it.  And, it was great to see McCartney's old Hofner bass again!

I'm not totally familiar with Sugarland, but I will sum up their sweet performance in four words: That Girl Can Sing.


I was eager to see Radiohead perform.  I never know what to expect with those guys, but I know it'll be brilliant.  

They did not disappoint.  

Holy smokes, they came out backed up by this massive marching band to play "15 Steps" which, in my under-educated estimation, cannot be an easy number to play!  

Here are the comments in our family room during and after:

WOW!

RiDICulous!  

HAAAVY!

Amazing!

That pretty much knocked me out... my brain was blown.  The next few lines in my notebook (yeah, I watch the Grammys with a notebook!) are slightly mushy and don't say much.  The most legible quotation would be, "What a terrible mix.  Somebody needs to get fired."  Sounds like something Jethro would say.  

I was getting tired of the ground hum.  And getting tired.  I don't understand why it has to be so long.  The Juno awards are a tight, rocking two hours, and that's including the seven awards given out.  The Grammys hand out ten awards but we have to stretch it out to more than three hours????  I would like to thank Robert Plant for his nice short concise acceptance speeches.  I'd listen to him all night (I love his speaking voice) but he had the brains to keep it short and sweet.  

I would have enjoyed the Blues tribute (including John Mayer and BB King) but I couldn't figure out who was playing what.  They'd show a guy playing a part that was not the lead that I was hearing.

Gah.

Neil Diamond came out to do "Sweet Caroline" and the dude is exactly the same, except older and grayer.  He looks and sounds just right, and I thought affectionately of my Mom's little sister, who was always my cool aunt, and had pretty much every Neil Diamond record ever.  

There was a New Orleans tribute, in which Lil Wayne and Robin Thicke strutted around the stage in front of a montage, because you know everything's better with a montage.  I think Robin's a good singer but how the heck could you tell?  Was his mic even on?  Geez.  Clearly it was getting to be past my bedtime.  

Speaking of Lil Wayne... I know sweet F. A. about hip hop and rap.  I really don't have the stomache for the bitses-n-hoes-mah-homies-mah-hoopty-rims-got-shot-nine-times thing.  (I tend to gravitate towards the fast-car-sleazy-girlfriend-big-****-Whaooooyeah kind of thing, but mostly because it is delightfully, stupidly ridiculous.)  Lil Wayne kind of won my heart last night.  He ran up to the mic and did the coolest victory leap, jumping up and kicking his heels together.  How do you do that?  Then, he had what appeared to be his entire extended family come up to the stage with him.  He smiled with his giant teeth and did a nice short speech which I can't totally remember, but thanked "God" and "You."  Aw.  He didn't cuss or talk like his mouth was full of marbles.  Well done, young man.  I approve.

Now pull yer darn pants up.

When Raising Sand won Album of the Year, I felt like there is still hope in the world of music, and I could go to bed and sleep well.

I fell for Robert just a little bit more.  He thanked producer T Bone Burnett, he thanked the engineers by name, (even though it went by so fast, I can't tell you what it means to me that he took the time to thank them) and he thanked the band.  He thanked Alison for "teaching me how to sing in straight lines instead of all that twirly stuff."

I wrote that down because it made me snicker, but it also made me think.  Here's a guy who is known to many as a Rock God.  Or rather, THE Rock God.  In his late 50s, he started a project that took him in a different direction.  He hadn't done harmonies with another singer.  He took a chance, and he learned something new.  He relied on a woman more than twenty years younger than him to guide him.  I think that's beautiful.  

Have I mentioned that I adore him?  I think I have a pretty solid girlcrush on her too.  Alison Krauss is completely amazing.  

Overall, the 51st Grammy awards didn't disappoint me.  We got some great performances, some totally weird ones, and some bloomin' awful clothes.  The sound quality was deplorable but it gave Jethro a chance to spout some creative insults at the TV, and that's always fun.  

I love showbiz, I love theatrics, but most of all, I love music.

How about you?  









Monday, January 12, 2009

2008 Hick Chic What To Do For Entertainment When You're Not in the Barn Awards!

Hey, remember 2008? I remember it like it was just last month. I can't really move on until I finally hand out my special awards, so get comfy- here are my picks for Entertainment Standouts in 2008!

BEST VILLAIN AWARD

Let's just get this out of the way right now, because there was no equal this year, and might not be for a very long time.

Incredible.  Just look at this still shot - the tension in the shoulders and neck, the hand gestures.  Heath Ledger's Joker is a manically brilliant performance.  And I don't know what else to say.

BEST HERO AWARD

RDJ for IRON MAN

He played his Tony Stark with swaggering attitude, determination, conscience, and the whooping glee of a very smart kid playing with some sophisticated toys. 

Plus lots of excuses to do some hard work with a set of seriously toned pipes, man.  Oh my.  Is it smokin hot in here or is it just him????


Wait- let him get into his white hickhugger first!  Light it up!

I dunno... he might be giving Johnny a little competition this year... just saying...


I'm so pleased to see him back, healthy, better than ever, and making such a wide range of movies.   (And I don't know what else to say.)



UNEXPECTED, UNNECESSARY MOVIE-WRECKING SHARP TURN AWARD

Hancock.



Come on, you love Will Smith.  You know you do.  He can do anything. He can be funny, or perfect, or damaged.  He can sing and dance.  He's gorgeous.  

I saw the ads for Hancock and whooped for joy.  A drunken superhero with a serious public relations problem- he destroys everything in the process of "helping!"  It looked brilliant and funny.  Throw in Charlize Theron and that adorable Jason Bateman and you'd think it couldn't fail.  I won't spoil it just in case you still want to see it, but trust me, it all goes badly sideways once the black leather boots and the black eye make up get busted out.  It's like it's a different movie suddenly.  Bah.  Well at least the first half was funny.  


NOT AS MUCH FUN AS IT SOUNDS AWARD

"Sex on Fire" by Kings of Leon.

No really, think about it.  Ow.  But it doesn't matter because the song is one heck of a fun little earworm and those boys are just so, so so cute.  And so hick chic.  So, yeah, fun, but maybe not literally?

HIGHEST PERCENTAGE OF FUNNY PER MOVIE AWARD

GET SMART
Honestly I snorted, giggled and snickered all the way through this one.  Being a Steve Carell fan helps, for sure, but everybody was on top of their game, and the timing was consistently tight!  Great cast, slick look, sharp writing- and they even tossed in the cute little red Sunbeam Tiger convertible from the original series.  And... the shoe phone!  

Anne Hathaway finally won me over completely.  She was uptight and sharp tongued but not cold enough to be unlikable.  Plus she wore those classy outfits with perfectly controlled sass.  Don't dare try to tell her she's not feminine...


BEST FESS UP AND ADMIT YOU COULDN'T PUT DOWN THIS BOOK AWARD

yeah, I confess.  I could not put it down until I read the whole thing.  And that's all I can say about that.

BEST READ OF THE YEAR, RELEASED THIS YEAR AWARD


Paul Quarrington rocks!  No really, he does - he brought his guitar to a book reading at my local library and everything.  THE RAVINE has the kind of messed up combination of Beautiful and Disturbing that I just love.  The voice of the main character, an arrogant TV writer who's drinking too much while trying to put his life back together, is perfect.  And the ending is not what you expect- in other words, perfect.  Awesome cover too.

CUTEST ANIMATED ROBOT IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD AWARD

WALL-E
Oh my gosh, those big sad eyes, those cute little crawler tracks, the sensitive scavenging, the work ethic!  I just love this little guy.  I love it that he's got such a mechanical will to survive that he collects up spare parts and fixes himself.  Plus he's a romantic little dude.  And also saving the planet and all that.  


NEXT TIME DON'T WAIT SO DARN LONG, SERIOUSLY WHAT WERE YOU DOING THAT WHOLE TIME AWARD

Axl Rose

So it took a decade and a half; he did it.  I had visions of him getting really old and still fiddling with the fabled Chinese Democracy album, having transferred it through countless ProTools upgrades and 50 musicians and 10 producers and five dogs and four houses and a hard drive full of rewrites and remixes and rants.  But no.  He crossed the finish line!!!

Okay, so those numbers are only slightly exaggerated but I'll give him a break.  After all he did offer to share his Dr Pepper with Buckethead.  

I am still very concerned about the hair.  He should take it right down to the wood.  It worked for Rob Halford, metal god of all time.  Just sayin.


MOST CONFUSING ALBUM AWARD

So I broke my ol Sunday shopping rule and made a special trip to a hateful big box store just to buy this CD.  Darn right I did.  And I freely admit that part of it was curiosity.  Part was pure metalhead loyalty.  

AND? 

I knew the first song would rip my head off in the best way possible because I heard the single on the radio.  The second song was not what I expected, but it was hot. Eventually, things went sort of weird .  

I don't know how to describe it... it's just... not what I expected... it's got almost everything in it.  Spanish guitar, programmed drums, gospel choir (I'm not kidding), samples from famous speeches, and the required face melting guitar solos. It sounds expensive.  It does sound like fifteen years' worth of music.  It's just that most artists split that up into three albums, not one. 

It's huge. Epic. It sounds like there are about ten guitars in every song.  Just think of anything you want in a rock song and Axl will give you all that plus ten times more!!!

Axl Rose is back and wants you to know it.  He wants you to know that he's still got his vocal range and he'll use every note to prove it.  Heck, he'll find you some new ones.  He wants you to know that he's still mad but he's making peace with his sensitive side.  He wants you to know that he still rawks but he now does so with precision, not like in those messy old days.  He wants you to know that it's 2008 now and he continues to be the only Axl Rose on the planet.  You will hear his voice and know it could only be him.

But I don't love every song.  

I don't even know if I can tell you if it's a great album or a dud.  I just don't know.  It's a heck of a listen, and if you like it loud, you'll get it.  Just keep in mind that this is not the Appetite For Destruction-era Guns N Roses.  This isn't Use Your Illusion either.  It's not the same band.  It's a guy with a head full of ideas and his own agenda.  You understand that, you'll get along with him just fine.



HEIDI THE HICK'S FAVOURITE ALBUM OF THE YEAR AWARD

BRING ME YOUR LOVE by City and Colour

Oh, sweet Dallas Green and his sweet, sweet voice.  Okay so in his day job he's part of the awesomely shredding screaming metal ripping Alexisonfire, which I also love, but this is different.  This is acoustic music with beautifully written songs, recorded sparingly and performed with sincerity.  I love it.  Some of these lyrics could make you weep if you weren't medicated, I mean it.  

Maybe I love it because the themes of sleep and mental anguish are so recurrent, but presented so gently.  

Have a look and a listen to this dizzying video for "Sleeping Sickness" also featuring Gord Downie of The Tragically Hip:



If you love good music and appreciate songwriting, take my advice and check this out.  My husband didn't have anything to do with this one, so you can be sure that this even unbiased advice!

BEST IDEA FOR A MOVIE THAT I SOMEHOW, SHOCKINGLY, DIDN'T BOTHER TO SEE

Viggo Mortensen!  Ed Harris with his iron jaw and piercing eyes!  And... HORSES!

Not to mention, some amazing clothes.  Yes, when I watch westerns I am looking at the clothes as well as the horses and the cowboys... and the old west set design... I would like a copy of that bench and Viggo's boots, please.

But I didn't go see it.  Could it be that it's called "Appaloosa" and yet I see NO spotted horses?  Pfft.  



BEST FAMOUS PREGNANCY AWARD

Angelina Jolie.  

She wore long dresses and radiant smiles.  She wore actual colours.  She accessorized with Brad Pitt and four children.  She looks good with some weight on her.  Having said that, I'm thinking maybe six kids are enough.  My grandma had six kids and used to burn supper all the time.  Maybe Angie should hire a cook so she can keep some weight on.  I'm thinking of the woman's health, here, people.  

BEST TECHNICALLY NEKKID BUT SOMEHOW STILL WHOLESOME MAGAZINE COVER AWARD

How does she do it?  I highly doubt it's all due to good lighting.  But I've got this crazy idea, one that once thought up, won't leave.  Does she sort of look a little like a young Martha Stewart here?  The chin-down smile?  I'm not trying to ruin anything - Martha's a good looking woman - but do you see it too?  Anyways I'm sick of this photo now and want to tell myself that all actresses have a team of make up artists and personal trainers and cooks.  Moving on.

BEST CREEPY SEXY UNREALISTIC CHARACTER AWARD

ding ding ding!  It's a three way tie!

Will it be red eyed maniac...


...smarmy old man with lecherous sneer and velvet voice...


...or upstart bloodsucker with teardrop shaped eyes and misguided hairdo?


Oh heck, it's my imaginary awards show.  JOHNNY DEPP FOR SWEENEY TODD!


BEST PICKUP TRUCK IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Bella's truck in Twilight.


It's mulit-layered awesomeness!  It's perfect!  This is the only picture on the interwebs that I could find of this super cool piece of rolling steel, which is whack, because this truck should have its own website.  

That's all folks, have a good night, buh-bye 2008 and watch that the screen door doesn't slap ya in the aaaaaaass on the way out!  

(2009?  You've been warned.)

Sunday, November 23, 2008

TWILIGHT The Movie (and a big room full of screaming teenage girls)

Confession: I have read all four of Stephenie Meyer's forbidden-love-teenage-vampire books.  I read them quickly and breathlessly.  The woman knows how to tell a suspenseful and engaging story, I'll tell you that.  I'll also freely admit that as a grown woman, I had a few problems with our main man, vampire Edward Cullen.  Oh boy, what do we think of him... Ideal Fantasy Boyfriend???  Intelligent, stunningly gorgeous, physically superior, musically talented, thoughtful, passionate, gentlemanly old fashioned, able to leap across an icy parking lot and save you from a van about to pin you against the solid door of your old pickup truck in less than a second?  



OR is he Potentially Abusive Boyfriend???  Controlling under the guise of protecting, telling you what you think, possessive, oh, and uh, has been sneaking into your bedroom to watch you sleep for like, the last two months?  (Creepy?  Sexy?  CREEPY!)


NONE of that matters.  It didn't stop me from reading after the first book, and I was right there on opening night at the movie theatre, with my 14 year old daughter and one of her friends.  I wouldn't have wanted to have been anywhere else.  We walked in and within seconds I was meeting new friends from Grade 9.  Every three steps there were more greetings and squeals and giggles.  Scary-fun.  Teenage girls are the strangest combo of vicious/ happy, which goes a long way in explaining this story's success.

Not to mention... apparently I'm not the only mother who got caught up in the saga.  In the packed audience, I counted one boy, and three dads.  Every other movie watcher was sitting in a cloud of her own female hormones.  It was crazeee.  

The girls applauded the previews.  They shrieked and clapped when the screen blackened, resulting in a flurry of "Sh!  Sh!  Sh!  Shut up!  Shhhhh!  SHH!" and that in turn resulted in me slumped down in my seat shaking with silent giggles, and then my two girls noticing and giggling, making me fear a giant SHUSHING from the ravenous horde of teenagers, which then made me shake with even harder silent giggles.  

It was awesome.

Finally the title flashed on the screen and we all clapped and screamed like the freakin Beatles were back.  

So, is it a good movie or not?

Answer: YES. 

It's a gorgeous looking movie.  The actors are good to look at, the scenery is amazing, and it's lovingly, dreamily filmed.  One of the things I liked about the books was the constant feeling of a low grey sky, and a suppressed restlessness under the surface.  Don't ask how, cuz I don't know, but it's visual.

The story is told precisely and with good pacing.  It's just surreal enough, and just realistic enough.  


The actors are so well cast it almost shocked me.  I mean, the kid who plays Mike Newton was PERFECT.  Alice Cullen is as accurate as humanly possible.  Billy Black and Charlie Swan?  Any future re-read of that book will have their faces.  I'm usually irritated by that.  I hate it that my own visualization of the characters is replaced by actors.  Maybe it's the clear descriptions in the book, but for the most part everybody looked like I thought they should.

Even the music was right.  Bands like Muse and Linkin Park got a spin (Meyer favourites) as well as some classical (Debussey; look it up)  ("You can google it") all of which added up to a moody thrill of atmosphere.

Bella's truck, a significant character actually, was perfect.  I must include the wonderful truck.  



I got the impression that it's a '55 Chevy in the book, but I'm pretty sure this is a '62 Chevy.   What can I say, I'm a truck freak.  I'm pretty sure Stephenie Meyer likes cars too.  I'd encourage young girls to notice things like this.  It's just good knowledge to have.  

I'll give them props though, for getting the colour and condition of the truck right.  It's completely awesome and I love, love, love it!   Just as in the book this old truck is a bright spot in Bella's life.  

Bella.  As played by Kristen Stewart, she's much more stubborn and much less drip.  She's still shy and awkward, but with a current of spunkiness.  They got it all right: the jeans and mittens and sweatshirts wardrobe, the lack of make up, the looking down while delivering deadpan one liners.  What a relief.  I really wanted to like that kid.

This is one of the most faithful movie adaptations I've ever seen.  Quite a few lines of dialogue were lifted straight out of the book.  The plot wasn't screwed around with either.  A few characters were omitted just to keep things manageable, but generally it's all there.  It would have to be, or else there would be hordes of angry crying screaming teenage girls protesting.  I don't think any of us want that, do we?

I loved seeing this movie amid a horde of teenage girls.  I got to clap and whoop enthusiastically when Edward, in Ray Ban shades, opened the door of his car to let Bella out and casually threw his arm over her shoulder, letting the whole world (school) know that they're together now.  That's one of those high school memories that you either have had, or always wished you could have.  

As for those mixed feelings I have for this story... I feel better now.  All my sermons to the girls about not mistaking control for love, and the whole thing was summed up when he confesses to watching her sleep at night and a girl somewhere in the middle of the theatre called out, "STALKER!"  A wave of knowing snickers followed.  They get it.


 

This is a horror/love story for the cautious, frightened present.  We still want the forbidden love, the thrill of the unknown, but a nice vegetarian vampire isn't %100 off limits, right?  It's bucketloads of sexual tension, damn near heartstopping, but it's all above the chest.  Everybody's still a virgin at the end, and only the baddest bad guy dies.  (and he's really baaaad too!!!!)

Oh, and also?  It's a movie.  It's pretend.

I'd recommend it, and without spoiling the whole thing, I'll just say that the ending will make you want to see more!